The Silent Assassin

The Silent Assassin

Alzheimer’s disease – the silent assassin. It creeps up and kills relationships, at least as we knew them. Gran is still a wife, a mum and a gran. Just not the same wife, mum and gran. The disease has changed these relationships almost beyond recognition.

Alzheimer’s changes people. They are no longer the people they once were. The brain is such a complex thing – it’s impossible to know just exactly what has been taken away. What is clear though is the effect on the people that are around them.

My Grandad has, in essence, has lost his wife. He doesn’t see it that way – he still sees her every day and has adapted to her changes. The relationship they have now bares no resemblance to the one they had. My Grandad would laughingly admit he was “punching” by landing my gran! She wore the trousers in the relationship. The effects of this disease has left a massive hole in his world.

Gran in her heyday – Grandad was 100% punching above his weight.

My dad has lost his mum. Not physically. He visits her all the time. But mentally. She was his biggest supporter. His greatest fan. He was her blue-eyed boy. Now he thinks a good day is when she smiles when he visits.

I’ve lost my gran. The tables have turned. From her looking after me as a wee boy, I find myself wanting to look after her. I don’t see her as often as I would like. Sometimes she engages but sometimes she doesn’t. Today was a good day. She gave me a smile, took my face in her hands and told me she missed me. I’m not sure that she knew it was me but it made me happy.

The only way to deal with this disease is not to mourn the relationship that has been taken away but to embrace the relationship that now exists. It has not been an easy transition but over time it has worked for me. I can continue to enjoy the time I still have with her and not let the disease define our relationship.