Happy Memories

3 years later and Gran is in Glenfairn Nursing Home. Like I said in my last blog she’s safe, well looked after and, I think, is as content as she can be. When I’m not up at Uni, doing coursework (writing a blog!) or on the very rare occasion socialising 😂I try to pop in and spend time with Gran. Sometimes I could be in for 10 minutes and other times 20 minutes. Sometimes I could be in for an hour. Other times she could be asleep and I just leave. There are good visits and not so good visits.

Recently, visits have been good but 4 months ago we had a huge scare. For a while Gran looked like she was deteriorating. We just assumed this was Alzheimer’s taking its course. My dad called me and said she had been rushed to hospital. They thought her heart was failing. Everyone was prepared for the worst. Thankfully the worst didn’t happen. It turns out that due to her weight loss her medication needed adjusted. She was first taken off the medication completely and is now on a dose that works better for her.

My Gran was known for her strength of character. I think that this trait is still in her. When we all thought it was the Alzheimer’s dragging her down it turns out it was a chemical in her body. She has fought back and is in great spirits. When I visit now she’s smiling and engaging with me again. She holds my hand and tells me she loves me. She even mentions that she likes my beard!

I don’t know if she knows who I am but I like to think there is a flicker of recognition deep down. I visit as much for me as for her. I probably get more out of it than she does. I’m just glad she’s still here to visit. All my memories of Gran are, and will be, happy ones.

A Home from Home?

Unfortunately, with Alzheimer’s the condition only worsens. It never improves. Looking after Gran started off hard and ended up a 24/7 job. She went from forgetful and repetitive to anxious and upset and then confused and depressed. And then it got worse. I don’t know how my Grandad coped on his own with her. He had the support of other members of the family but he was my gran’s main carer. When Grandad left the house for 5 minutes, Gran would wander out the house and not know where she was. It was when this started happening that we knew we needed help.

Initially, Grandad was lucky enough to get my Gran a place in residential day care. When she went there it allowed Grandad to go shopping or have a couple hours to himself knowing that she was in safe hands. This was at Dundonald House, a nursing home specialising in dementia and Alzheimer’s care. To be honest, in hindsight, day care didn’t really work for Gran. Not their fault, the home was great. However, with her personality traits and the stage of the illness she was at, day care wasn’t the solution.

So, what were the options? Living at home with my Grandad was no longer possible. She became too ill. It wasn’t safe for her to be at home anymore. She needed around the clock specialist care.

She needed to go into a nursing home.

Nobody wanted her to go into a home. My Grandad was devastated. It was the first time he had to live without her in over 50 years. The whole family was gutted.

I would be lying if I said the first few weeks were perfect. Gran didn’t really settle. I for one found it harrowing to visit when she looked so distressed. However, it was important to keep in mind this was the best thing for her. This month it has been 3 years she has been in Glenfairn Nursing Home. She’s settled. She’s safe. The staff are brilliant with her. If I had known 3 years ago this would be the case, it would’ve been a much easier transition.

Glenfairn Nursing Home

I hope this blog helps anyone that finds themselves in a similar position to the one we were in.

Shhhhhh...

In my first blog I touched on my gran’s journey with Alzheimer’s disease. The second blog was about how the disease impacted on our family. For this blog I am going to talk about the disease itself and the stigma attached to it.

What do I mean by a stigma? According to the Collins English Dictionary, ‘If something has a stigma attached to it, people think it is something to be ashamed of’. Maybe being ashamed of it is a bit strong but I think we were all guilty of denying that gran had Alzheimer’s. Maybe this is because we didn’t want gran to be thought of as ‘gyte’.

For some reason Alzheimer’s has a stigma attached to it when other diseases don’t. Why?

We were all guilty of not ‘owning up’ to the disease. Nobody suggested to gran that she might have dementia – how on earth are you supposed to bring that into the conversation? Gran knew her memory was poor. She went to a memory clinic but on the day ‘passed’ the tests, fooling the professionals!! I think that my gran deep down was determined not to be diagnosed with dementia. If we had all known more about this disease, we would’ve been better prepared for what lay ahead. As it was, we all pretended for as long as we could that it was just a bad memory that she had.

Back to the stigma. Alzheimer’s is nothing to be embarrassed about. Scared of or worried about, yes but not embarrassed about. As with any disease, the earlier it is diagnosed the better it can be treated so it is really important to be aware and sympathetic of the disease and its symptoms.

The Alzheimer’s Association talks about overcoming this stigma and focuses on 5 different ways to do this. They say to talk about the disease openly, to dispel misconceptions, to have a closely knitted network of friends and family or other support group, to challenge people’s denial of the disease and to encourage the people who are diagnosed with the disease to speak out and raise awareness. You can read more about this here.

If you find yourself in the same position I was, knowing something wasn’t right I hope my blog encourages you to find out more in the early stages because this will definitely help in the long run. My next blog is about what we did when things took a real turn for the worst.